dreams

i hate when i have dreams that are so real, i wake up and am not quite sure if it really happened or was a dream. i often have dreams like this. sometimes i will dream that i have had an argument with a friend or someone and wake up the next morning in a very bad mood and very angry at that person. i really don't like that. usually i figure out pretty quickly that it was a dream, but sometimes it takes me a day or two to really believe that it was just a dream and stop being angry at that person.
last night, i had a dream that my mom has cancer and only has a month to live. it was a horrible dream. i woke up at like 5 a.m. crying. i almost called my mom right then, i was so worried. took me a good 15 minutes to calm down, stop crying, and realize that is was just a dream.
and then sometimes there are the good dreams. dreams that make me so happy while i'm dreaming. then when i wake up and realize it was only a dream, i get so disappointed. sometimes these are almost worse than the other dreams. sometimes i will spend days just reviewing these dreams and wishing there was a way they could be true. it's like a big game of "what if?"

it's funny though. i've always been fascinated by dreams. in our first year or two of dating, adam got me a dream journal. i've forgotten about that. i should dig it out and start using it more often.... we'll see. sometimes i don't want to tell anyone what the bad dreams were about, fearing they may come true. and sometimes i just can't put the dreams in to words to share. and the good dreams.... well i need to remember they are just dreams. better left that way. the more i ponder over them, the more i wish that parts of them were real....